Homestead Heritage accuses every critic who left of being “disgruntled and dishonest people” ( Rory Feek - Dan Lancaster? )

Steven Avery

Administrator
Inside Rory Feek’s Feud With Oldest Daughters Heidi and Hopie Amid Homestead Heritage ‘Cult’ Claims
Elise Nelson
Wed, September 4, 2024 at 8:18 AM EDT·9 min read




Country singer Rory Feek and his two oldest


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The group became the subject of sexual abuse allegations in the past. A 2012 article from the Texas Observer investigated the allegations and explored the stories of three individuals — Bill DeLong, Joseph Ratliff and Andrew DeLong (according to Homestead Heritage, Bill was a church member when his crime was uncovered, while Joseph and Andrew were relatives of members) — who were convicted of sexual assault in the 2000s and early 2010s. Richard Santa Maria, a former member, according to Homestead Heritage, was also charged with continuous sexual abuse of a minor in 2011 and later convicted.

Homestead Heritage issued a response via their website to the Texas Observer’s investigation, stating that “in every case of abuse we’ve ever encountered, it was our ministry that exposed and reported the crime.”

“The omission of this fact is so glaring that it’s hard to explain it in any other way than a deliberate attempt to distort the truth,” the statement read. “For our nearly 40-year history, our church ministry has always condemned and never tolerated any physical, psychological, mental, emotional or sexual abuse of anyone, much less abuse of children. Criminal behavior of any kind is expressly forbidden.”

The statement continued, “We find our spiritual roots in the 500-year-old peace-loving Anabaptist tradition, which stresses simplicity and an absolute commitment to nonviolence. Nothing could be more grievous to us or antithetical to our entire way of life than innocent children abused by criminally cruel and selfish adults. All our church members, as well as family, friends and neighbors who know us and our children well, and even numerous former members of our community, would attest to the truth of this statement. (In fact, 85 former members have signed a petition protesting any media story that would associate our community with such behavior.) The only exceptions to this good testimony find their source in a few disgruntled and dishonest people who we’ve put out of our community because they would not live according to our freely chosen values and morals.”
 
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Steven Avery

Administrator
"Due to an editing error, we incorrectly reported that Bill DeLong told police he continued sexually abusing a young girl after admitting his abuse to a church ..."

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Heritage of Abuse

DeLong said he had told an elder at his church about the abuse shortly after the first time it happened. But rather than report DeLong to police, as required by law, that elder, George Klingensmith, decided to pray about it with him instead, according to both DeLong and Klingensmith’s statements to officers. A full year would go by before DeLong once more talked with Klingensmith about the abuse, court records show. Only then did he give himself up.


This was no isolated incident.

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Response to Observer​

Hannaford’s “smoking gun” is the fact that in the first case (Bill DeLong) there was a delay of about a year in reporting. This is his “documented proof” that seems to give legitimacy to his insinuations that our ministry’s position is to hide such crimes from the state. (He also misrepresents a church document to support this false notion—we’ll address this momentarily.)


We want to make clear that we, too, were grieved by this error of judgment. But the motive for George Klingensmith’s delay differed greatly from the impression given by the Observer. Hannaford would have the reader believe that George was following a church policy of hiding crime—the truth is, it was a good faith effort to honor the confidential confession of a sin that no one before that time had ever encountered in our previous thirty years of ministry. (Penitential clergy confidentiality has generally been a well-recognized legal privilege and even still applies to crimes of this nature in many states.) Bill voluntarily confessed his crime to George as a thing in his past. George felt at the time that his confession and repentance were sincere, and that the abuse would not continue—and, contrary to Hannaford’s claims, it did not. (There are other significant details that would help the reader understand the situation, but we cannot reveal them here without exposing the identity of the victim.) Furthermore, George had no knowledge of the mandatory reporting law at the time. Once George became aware of the law, even though he knew that reporting Bill would implicate himself, he followed through with it anyway, informing our eldership board of the crime and then fully disclosing his initial delay to the authorities.
 
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Steven Avery

Administrator


Independent UK

Only the smug, arrogant Homestead Heritage leaders would call this deep personal sharing “salacious”. Obviously, it is their minds, dedicated to “Yahweh”, that are in the gutter. So sad.

Homestead, wake up!
And change the absurd title of your attempted “response” … now!

Steven (Avery) Spencer
Dutchess County, NY USA

began with the fellership in 1976.
host of Homestead Heritage Contacts on Facebook
 

Steven Avery

Administrator

Response to Michelle Del Rey’s Salacious and False Reporting in “The Independent”​



September 19, 2024
An Overview of Homestead Heritage
Homestead Heritage is a vibrant, thriving community of Bible-believing Christians who seek to express our faith in Christ through every aspect of our lives.
We are honored to be one expression of the universal Body of Christ, a global community that includes countless millions of God’s children who, while we may differ in some beliefs, share in salvation through sincere faith in one God.
Our community is open and welcoming, we host over 200,000 visitors each year to our festivals, events, and services here in Texas. We share our lives with all—through our open Sunday services attended by scores of guests from diverse backgrounds, our mid-week home gatherings, our annual concerts that draw hundreds of fellow Christians, and our festivals, which are attended by tens of thousands.
Fewer than 200 of our 1200 congregants live on-site at the farm that we call Homestead Heritage; most live nearby on their own private property. We frequently have non-members visit and stay onsite, again, as guests. It’s not uncommon for RVs to park here during festivals or events.
We offer friendship to all and extend the hand of Christian brotherhood to everyone who follows Jesus as Lord and Savior.
Allegation: The former members say Homestead Heritage is a “cult” that limits members’ autonomy under the threat of salvation.
Response:
There is absolutely no truth to this, and the assertion that we are anything other than an open, thriving church family is false.
As Bible-believing Christians, salvation is not ours to grant or deny to anyone; we believe that salvation is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. We firmly believe God grants everyone free will to make their own choices and chart their own path. As a church, we encourage critical thinking, informed decisions, and personal responsibility.
Anyone who wishes to attend our services is welcome. Those who wish to leave our community are welcome to do so at any time.

Allegation: They say the Church demands children be homeschooled using only materials that have been provided by leaders, limiting education opportunities.
Response:
Each family is free to choose its own homeschooling curriculum and teaching.
We have found homeschooling to be the most responsible way for parents to guide their children’s education in alignment with their Christian values. Our education model has led to exceptional academic results, freedom from cyber and other forms of bullying, and protection from the many challenges facing America’s school system. While the church upholds academic standards and provides educational support, each family is free to choose their own curriculum, often incorporating diverse resources from outside our community.

Allegations:
  • They say leaders discourage them from seeking medical attention outside the group and require they get permission before doing so.
  • None of the people on the church’s midwifery team have attended college or gone to medical school but are providing medical care.
  • They say pain medication during birth is against church policy.
  • Members need to agree not to sue the church in order for the group’s midwifery team to provide them medical care during pregnancies and births.
Response: Medical Care (general)
These charges are false. We place no restrictions on our members’ medical treatment options. We provide care options in our community clinic for routine needs and for those health issues that cannot be addressed on-site, our members regularly access Waco’s broader medical community when necessary, ensuring they receive the care they need.
As a church community, we are grateful to support our members with a compassionate and highly qualified team of healthcare providers, including nurses, EMTs, paramedics, multiple MDs, therapists, psychologists, and more. Our midwifery team, for example, includes members who have completed college and medical school, ensuring that our community receives care that meets and often exceeds professional standards.
As pastors, our role is to pray for and support our members—not to offer medical advice. Just as doctors don’t generally interpret biblical passages, it would be as bizarre for a church to dictate when and how to use pain medication, for example. The church is here to provide unwavering support as members navigate their health challenges.

Birth Care
When it comes to birth care, we respect every woman’s right to give birth in the place and manner of her choosing; there is no requirement for any particular healthcare choice. This is consistent with Texas law.
For those who desire a home birth assisted by our community birth attendants, we provide prospective parents with a comprehensive disclosure statement. This explains the inherent risks and responsibilities of childbirth and the scope of the attendant’s role and services. Parents also sign an “Informed Consent” form, which includes an agreement not to sue the midwife (not the church), recognizing that the midwife is offering her services voluntarily, without compensation, and not in a professional capacity. This ensures that everyone involved understands the nature of the support being provided.
As a church, we do not use any policy, form, or agreement that prohibits lawsuits, except our broader desire to follow Paul’s teaching about not going to “law against a brother”: “Why not rather be wronged?” (1 Corinthians 6:6-7). We encourage resolving disputes within the spirit of Christian fellowship rather than through legal action.

Allegations:
  • They say members who do not comply with the group’s rules risk being publicly humiliated or kicked off of Homestead Heritage.
  • They say the church encourages corporal punishment against children.
  • They say that former members are not allowed to communicate with family/friends inside the group after leaving.
  • A former member said church leaders tried to convince her that her relatives betrayed her when they left Homestead Heritage.
Response:
By joining a church family with a clear identity like ours, members implicitly agree to embrace our way of life. As voluntary associations, churches have both the right and responsibility to define and uphold their identity—whether in beliefs or behavior.
To preserve our mission and values, it’s essential to address actions that could disrupt or undermine our community. We follow the teachings of Jesus in resolving such matters, always handling them with respect, care, and a focus on privacy and understanding.
We believe in the family unit, and we believe in resolving disputes in the spirit of Jesus Christ’s commandment: Love one another as I have loved you. For those families with members who leave our community, we encourage compassion, love, and understanding to maintain the family relationship.
Thus, most families maintain healthy relationships with those who choose a different path. Our approach is consistently rooted in love and guidance. Many who leave the community choose to come back and join us.
Above all else, we aim to create a nurturing and supportive environment for children. Our approach to child training, as outlined in our book available on Amazon, emphasizes connection, communication, and consistency. While parents may choose to use appropriate disciplinary measures, the primary focus is on building strong, positive relationships with their children. The happiness and respectfulness of our children are frequently noted by those who visit our community, reflecting the care and love they receive.

Allegation: They say members are not allowed to go to university or work for businesses not owned by group members or tied to the church.
Response:
As a community, we take pride in offering alternatives through vocational schooling, apprenticeships, and higher learning, such as the Ploughshare Institute curriculum. We also fully recognize that some careers require a traditional university education.
A number of our members are currently pursuing higher education in fields like medicine, engineering, business, and accounting, and we have hundreds of college-educated members, including PhDs, MDs, attorneys, professors, teachers, and CPAs.
We are fortunate to enjoy 100% employment within our community, with a high percentage of entrepreneurs and others holding executive or professional roles in companies outside our church community.
Like many Americans, we see challenges within the university system. College can be financially burdensome, as many degree programs do not provide useful training, skills, or knowledge, and the college experience can also be potentially detrimental to young people’s faith.

Allegations:

  • They say the church expects women to get married and reproduce.
  • They say church officials decide whether members can get married.
  • A church leader told a former member, “I was not worthy of being a wife at the moment because I was not showing wife character traits.”
Response:
We believe in the inherent dignity of all God’s children—whether married or unmarried, old or young, female or male. Our value is rooted in being children of God, not in what we do or produce.
In a modern world that often measures worth by economic productivity, we strive to uphold the timeless value of being made in God’s image. We are grateful for the flourishing families in our community but equally respectful of those who pursue different callings.
Regarding marriage, we’re humbled but grateful for our 50-year record where divorce is virtually unheard of for those who remain in our church community. This success is largely due to our emphasis on educating and equipping young people before they take this pivotal step. As the most sacred union, we believe marriage must be founded on deep love and a personal commitment to a lifelong partnership. Our pre-marital counseling is never about determining “worthiness” or discouraging two people from marrying. Instead, it’s focused on preparing couples to build strong, enduring relationships and to avoid the pitfalls that so often undermine marriages today.

Allegation:
They say instead of receiving a high school education, former members were instructed to read thousands of pages of the church’s literature and write essays on it.
Response:
Our church ministry is committed to providing a well-rounded education for high school students, which includes access to a wide range of higher education books, lectures, and discussions. Essay writing is also a key component of our recommended syllabus, designed to develop critical thinking and communication skills. These resources are intended to complement and enhance a traditional high school education, not replace it.

Allegations:

  • A former member said she started working for the church’s cafe at 13 but only started getting paid at 19.
  • An employee of Homestead Heritage’s cafe fired a former member on the spot after the member said she needed to take a step back from the church and figure out what to do with her life.
Response:
Café Homestead is committed to creating a positive and lawful work environment where all employees are valued and treated fairly. We strictly adhere to labor laws, ensuring that any involvement of young people is fully compliant with Texas regulations, as reviewed and confirmed by Texas authorities.
Café Homestead is proud of the excellent food, service, and hospitality it provides to the larger Waco community. We employ mostly members of Homestead Heritage but also individuals from other backgrounds, including those who do not attend our church or agree with our faith. No one has ever been fired simply for contemplating leaving our church. Employment is based entirely on finding a good fit between skill, personality, experience, and the mission and ethos of the restaurant.

Allegation:
A former member said officials permitted him to work in a mechanic shop at age 12 (also unpaid).
Response:
Our community is home to around 1,200 congregants and hundreds of privately owned businesses, each of which is committed to service, excellence, and Christian values. We focus on providing guidance and encouragement, trusting our members to make responsible choices that align with both their faith and the law.
This includes dads spending time with their sons, teaching mechanic skills after school hours, and other similar parental or mentor engagement. Additionally, our high school curriculum includes hands-on, skill-based internships and apprenticing opportunities as part of their well-rounded education.
 
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Steven Avery

Administrator
Email

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Hello, All!

Last night and this morning, I found myself occupied with less spiritual matters—Beck and I seeing our kiddos lined up in a tent and piling their sleeping bags high with extra blankets. We’re tucked beside a creek high in the Rocky Mountains, where there’s no cell phone service, but we’ve spotted moose, elk, deer, trout, and the brilliant golds, flaming oranges, and greens of fall in Colorado.​
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Tent camping removes nearly all barriers between you and nature: the cold drafts, the sounds of the river, the calls of night birds, and the rustling that the kids imagine might be a bear. Two of my kids woke with a start, convinced they heard the low rumble of a black bear just outside the tent, only to discover it was Daddy snoring, courtesy of his sinus allergies.

After pulling my handmade biscuits, cream gravy, and sausage off the hot coals this morning—imagining it was a bit more like how our ancestors used to cook—we sat around sipping hot drinks, soaking in the solitude, the beauty, and the warmth of the fire on our cold feet. :)
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After cleanup, I wandered down a trail canopied by aspens and evergreens sparkling with dappled sunlight. I wanted a brief moment of isolation to pray and gather my thoughts. Sometimes the beauty of life on the land at home, or the exceptional moments we share with family, make the anger, madness, and lies swirling around us feel distant. We could almost imagine a world of kindness and peace. As I prayed, my thoughts turned to the recent struggles we’ve faced—the absurd media smears, the ongoing efforts to clear our names, and the stress caused by those who’ve chosen a different path but cannot be content to let us live and enjoy our lives. As I walked and prayed softly, I thought, “I need to get back down to cell service. Something has happened, and I need to check in.”​
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My 14-year-old, Connie, volunteered to go with me, and I agreed to pick up an extra blanket in the small town an hour and a half away. Beck assured me that she and my oldest, Aviva, would work on high school evaluations in the serene setting outside our tent while Sean and the younger ones fished the stream, hoping to catch a brook trout or two. Sean, just 13, is such a hard worker around the campsite—though they all are. The kids, now including three teenagers, amaze me in every new phase of their development.​
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Even little three-year-old Ella, who loves gathering sticks for the fire, helps out with the others—cleaning, cooking, moving gear. The older ones prepare the fishing poles for the younger ones. It almost brings me to tears—not just because of the beautiful colors, weather, and glory of nature around us, but because of the rare miracle of a beautiful family.

The Battle of Two Natures​


As Connie and I bumped down the rugged 1.5-mile “road”—more like a creek bottom—toward the county road, our conversation turned to dreams for the future and the nature of living for God. I told her how, at 14, I made up my mind to live for Jesus, no matter how hard it would be. We talked about God’s grace and how that pivotal experience with His Spirit doesn’t give us everything we’ll ever need but introduces us to the One we’ll always need—reminding us that we can go to Him in every circumstance, and He will help us.

Still, I told her that throughout life, we face two natures inside us. It helps to picture them as two pets we care for: a puny new pup and an aggressive teenage dog. The pup is like our new self—our spiritual nature of love, kindness, and integrity, our child of God. But alongside that new beginning is a robust, fleshly nature with a head start. It feels like an unfair fight—the teenage dog eats the other’s food, corners him into little spaces, and grows stronger by the day.

But our will—the power to make free choices—decides which nature we feed and care for: our selfish, grasping nature or the new beginning we received through the Spirit. The latter is fragile and tentative, but if we protect it, feed it through prayer and God’s word, and exercise it in the small obediences Jesus prompts—kindness, service, love—it will grow stronger. One day, it will evict the bully of our baser nature from the yard.

I thought about how my own mother gave me a similar talk when I was young and how a faithful believer gave that same talk to her. This is where it becomes real—where the third and fourth generations of our community learn to face the battle, embrace the struggle, and give it all they have. I told Connie it’s not easy. Living for God isn’t about receiving a big package from Jesus that solves all your problems. People who expect that will be constantly disappointed. It’s going to be hard, and it will cost you time, energy, and emotion. But in the end, if you persevere, you’ll have something to show for your life, just like your grandparents and your aunts and uncles. You’ll see the contrast—those who chose what they thought was the easy road, and those who stuck with the narrow way that leads to life. They would tell you—choose life, no matter how hard it may be.

The Agony of Betrayal​


Our conversation was abruptly interrupted as my phone regained reception. The pings started coming in like a volley of shots—ping, ping, ping. Some messages were from our missionaries overseas, whom I look forward to speaking with shortly. Others were about practical matters—discussing new book publications and challenges. But then my heart sank as I saw multiple messages announcing another smear job against our community, this time by the left-leaning UK-based tabloid, the Independent. We knew this was coming. Michele, the reporter, had sent us a list of “gotcha” questions so baseless that even answering them felt like walking into a trap already set and baited.

Her article claims to tell the traumatic horrors of former members of Homestead Heritage—people allegedly abused by our midwifery tradition or neglected by our educational approach. But those who know these individuals understand how absurd their stories are. We have the letters, text messages, and newsletter publications where they described these same events differently before they spun them for the reporter years later. We have the facts, the history, and the reality of having lived with them and loved them genuinely. And perhaps that’s the most painful part—we can’t stop loving them, even though they’ve clearly chosen to hate us.

Jesus warned, “You will be hated by all men for My name’s sake” (Matt. 10:22), and that’s exactly what we are facing. When not a word of this has ever been spoken to the community, and the first step in “exposing” these matters and “seeking truth” is to demonize and vilify an entire community through the megaphone of a leftist tabloid, how can we take their supposed pursuit of truth seriously? We cannot. The first truth we would invite them to seek is honesty behind their own motivations.

I am also reminded of Jesus’ warning: “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets” (Luke 6:26). It’s a sobering reminder that following the narrow path often means being slandered, ridiculed, and hated by those who don’t understand or who oppose the truth.

The Battle between Truth and Lies​


For 50 years, we’ve taken the approach of minding our own business, living our lives, and letting our open community speak for itself. But the bullying against our small minority faith group hasn’t stopped. People feel that we won’t push back or stand up for ourselves, so they keep piling on with more absurd claims. I don’t know if they believe their own stories. It’s possible, consistent with the psychological mechanism of reaction formation, that they resolve their internal cognitive dissonance and pain over leaving us by demonizing us to justify their choices.

Why, someone might reasonably ask, are they telling these horror stories about midwifery? I don’t know all their reasons, but I do know they never said anything like this while they were here. We have their exact words in writing—text messages, emails, letters, recordings of public testimonies they gave immediately after the births—where they expressed the wonderful experience they had. So why are they telling these stories years later? They do so because they know what will be most sensational and believable in the media. The bitter rarely tell the truth when it comes to slandering those they loathe. No one is interested in the real reasons they left because they’re too personal or benign. But they count on the public being deceived. We will never resort to hatred, lying, or misrepresentation. But we will seek vindication of the truth.

We haven’t sued anyone in 50 years, despite egregious lies and unethical media behavior. Some may claim we’ve lost our way by taking the steps we have recently. But I appeal to the apostle Paul and his example. When religious zealots sought to destroy him, he appealed to the local Roman authorities. When unjustly beaten in Philippi, he invoked his Roman citizenship and reversed his mistreatment, insisting that they release him publicly since they had wrongly imprisoned him publicly. In these instances, Paul used the law when truth held no sway over unethical people. After much prayer, we’ve filed a sweeping lawsuit in an Alabama superior court against three entities behind the recent media madness.


Today’s new smear job in the Independent comes from a journalist who spent over a year interviewing a handful of angry, bitter individuals. On the flip side, she sent us a list of “gotcha” questions, demanded a response in three days, and refused any further discussion. One of her main contributors is Tabitha Haugh, but the article doesn’t mention that Tabitha’s on parole for disorderly conduct and discharge/display of a firearm in Collin County, Texas. Official correspondence—letters and texts—between Tabitha and her former Café Homestead employers utterly disproves her claims, showing that she left of her own free will and was generously compensated with severance.

We want to believe people know better—that fake news has been around long enough for them to see through it. But then another voice warns us—be careful, because we belong to a minority faith group toward whom prejudice is still tolerated. These lies can gain traction among those who don’t know us, and that’s the point. They’re exploiting fears of the unknown, tapping into personal biases, especially against a version of Christianity that seems too restrictive or conservative.

And then we remind ourselves—thank God we’re as open as we are. Thank God tens of thousands can see us for who we really are, worship with us, and make their own decisions, free from the skewed lens of a media that thrives on rumors, hearsay, and gossip designed to harm and destroy.

In a previous post, I explained the psychology behind ex-member hatred and distortion when telling horror stories—something not unique to faith-based groups like ours. When strong bonds are broken, bitterness and misrepresentation often follow. But we admit that we feel more vulnerable than any political figure or group. We are different. Prejudices against our way of life, our dress, and our educational approach haven’t been challenged by the broader public or discarded like other forms of bigotry. People are less likely to examine their assumptions or question their knee-jerk reactions. We feel that vulnerability keenly.

It’s painful—beyond words sometimes—to see the love you’ve poured into people’s lives twisted and turned into weapons against you. But, as I told Connie, living for God isn’t about an easy road or quick solutions. It’s about making the choice, again and again, to walk the narrow way, to persevere even when it costs us time, energy, and emotion. We will answer these lies. We will present truth for the fiction being spread about us. We will protect the future of our children and the way of life we cherish. And, just as we discussed, our will decides which nature we feed. We will not feed the bitterness and hatred but instead nurture love, kindness, and integrity.

Perseverance in the Face of Adversity​


Our new nature will grow stronger as we protect it through prayer, God’s word, and small obediences—just like feeding that fragile pup. We will refuse to let these attacks define us. We will not become like our accusers by resorting to lies or sensationalism. Instead, we will continue to build the future by walking in the light, knowing that if we persevere, we will have something real to show for our lives, just like those who’ve come before us.

We will keep on. We will keep praying, believing, sharing God’s word, tending our gardens, running our businesses, raising our families, and being a community. We will live out what I shared with Connie—that through every struggle, there is the promise of growth if we make the right choices. If my experience has taught me anything, it’s that storms of bitterness eventually pass, leaving those causing them soon needing help, healing, and forgiveness. We want to be that place—with open arms, soft hearts, and sincere compassion—where prodigals can return home.

So, we take it as a compliment that we’re making a difference, that our way of life and faith is worth attacking. We’ll continue to be faithful, humble, determined Christians, armed with truth and guided by love. And we’ll continue to strengthen the new nature within us, knowing that the battle is not in vain. The narrow path may be hard, but it leads to life.

So, there’s my newsletter for the week. Now I’m heading back up into the mountains where there’s no service, to pack up and come back down. Two nights disconnected is something to be thankful for, but we’re not called to be separate from the world’s harsh realities. We’re called to be in it but not of it. And in that calling, there’s no greater privilege than standing up for the truth, even when it’s hard. It’s a fight we’ll never back away from, and I pray you’ll join us—in prayer, in spreading the word, and, above all, in love for each other and for God.

Warmly,
A.Z. (Asi) Adams​
 

Steven Avery

Administrator

The Clash between Sacrifice and Resentment


This brings me to a second experience that underscored the same theme—but in a much different way. A few days ago, I sat in the living room at our community in Texas, surrounded by attorneys representing us in the defamation case progressing in Alabama federal court. After sifting through mountains of communication, online material, and legal documents, they posed a question:

Why has our community so often been the target of such intense bitterness, attacks, and ill will from a small but impassioned cabal of former members?

They observed that some of the most vicious and consistent attackers exhibit clear signs of mental instability, while others do not. Some came from broken backgrounds—before and after their time with us—and are clearly scapegoating. But what was the common thread weaving bitterness through all those who have made our defamation and destruction their highest mission?

Few psychologists, psychiatrists, or health counselors of any kind would recommend bitterness, vindictiveness, or the destruction of others’ happiness as a meaningful or healthy course for any individual. Yet here we are, facing slander that is both relentless and wildly disproportionate. But why?

The answer is complex, and every individual case is different. Still, some themes are difficult to ignore. The reality is quite simple: A lifestyle like ours makes incredible promises—beautiful, fruitful, life-giving, and joyous. But the realization of those promises lies on the other side of real sacrifice—the giving of one’s hope, faith, energy, and passion for something worth believing in. And sadly, the intensity of bitterness that people feel is often directly proportional to the degree of sacrifice they made in pursuit of a vision that, for them, seemed not to come true.

And that is the cause of the bitterness. Perhaps, like some marriages that end in divorce, people gave a lot—time, effort, energy, treasure, love, relational investment—and for one reason or another, they gave up on the dream. They pulled the ripcord, cut their losses, and threw their lot in elsewhere. And who wouldn’t battle feelings of regret—if not anger and blame—for an investment that now seemed beyond recovery?
 

Steven Avery

Administrator
Full psycho-babble post -
Feb 19, 2025

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Greetings, Church Family and Friends!



Over the past few days, I have had the privilege of hearing and engaging with many brilliant voices concerned about the direction of Western culture while here in London. The rallying cry has been clear:

“This is a civilization moment—the call is going out for people to get on board the ark.”

One of the early presentations was by the notable luminary and influencer in Western thought, Dr. Jordan Peterson. I’ll attempt to condense his lecture into a few sentences.

He told us that all enduring civilizations have been built on an ethic of sacrifice and that hedonism—selfish individualism—is the enemy and death knell of Western culture. He went on to say that, from beginning to end, the Bible presents one consistent theme: sacrifice—an act that calls us to the reciprocity of giving what is costly to us, in a relationship of trust, with the assurance that it will return more than we could have given. This culminates in the greatest example of sacrifice: when God gave not another, but Himself, on our behalf.

Dr. Peterson effectively and compellingly demonstrated that the brightest moments, motifs, and themes of Western culture are borrowed from and founded upon the morals and narratives of the Bible—on self-giving love.


The Clash between Sacrifice and Resentment​




This brings me to a second experience that underscored the same theme—but in a much different way. A few days ago, I sat in the living room at our community in Texas, surrounded by attorneys representing us in the defamation case progressing in Alabama federal court. After sifting through mountains of communication, online material, and legal documents, they posed a question:

Why has our community so often been the target of such intense bitterness, attacks, and ill will from a small but impassioned cabal of former members?

They observed that some of the most vicious and consistent attackers exhibit clear signs of mental instability, while others do not. Some came from broken backgrounds—before and after their time with us—and are clearly scapegoating. But what was the common thread weaving bitterness through all those who have made our defamation and destruction their highest mission?

Few psychologists, psychiatrists, or health counselors of any kind would recommend bitterness, vindictiveness, or the destruction of others’ happiness as a meaningful or healthy course for any individual. Yet here we are, facing slander that is both relentless and wildly disproportionate. But why?

The answer is complex, and every individual case is different. Still, some themes are difficult to ignore. The reality is quite simple: A lifestyle like ours makes incredible promises—beautiful, fruitful, life-giving, and joyous. But the realization of those promises lies on the other side of real sacrifice—the giving of one’s hope, faith, energy, and passion for something worth believing in. And sadly, the intensity of bitterness that people feel is often directly proportional to the degree of sacrifice they made in pursuit of a vision that, for them, seemed not to come true.

And that is the cause of the bitterness. Perhaps, like some marriages that end in divorce, people gave a lot—time, effort, energy, treasure, love, relational investment—and for one reason or another, they gave up on the dream. They pulled the ripcord, cut their losses, and threw their lot in elsewhere. And who wouldn’t battle feelings of regret—if not anger and blame—for an investment that now seemed beyond recovery?


Building on This Theme from Scripture



If love is the highest reward life can offer, then we think of the words of Jesus:

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

A friend whose life is spared by the one who dies in his place is certainly a beneficiary, blessed with an inestimable gift that makes him forever a person of gratitude, humility, and sacrifice. But if love is its own reward, then the one who lays down his life for his friend also experiences something—not just something, but the very essence of life itself in its highest form, which is the greatest reward of all: love. And “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

So bear with me while I attempt to connect our own community’s experience under the pelting barrage of bitterness, hatred, cruelty, and slander with the larger theme that Dr. Peterson laments as missing from the broader culture.


Cain and Abel—the First Rivalry



Everything we are talking about began just outside the gates of the Garden of Eden. There, in the earliest days of humanity, the sons of Adam and Eve—Cain and Abel—felt compelled to make a sacrifice to the Almighty.

My brother Nathaniel pointed out something interesting: It would seem that Cain made the first sacrifice and felt no dissatisfaction until his brother came along, made a different kind of sacrifice, and received an utterly different kind of result. But the question remains—why did they make the sacrifice in the first place?

Clearly, Abel experienced a tangible manifestation of God’s favor—His grace. We don’t know exactly what this was like, but it must have been something unmistakable—perhaps a visible, personal confirmation of God’s presence and approval. In making his sacrifice, Abel was declaring:

“I know my sin has separated me from Your presence. I take responsibility: I am the problem. But I am willing to give up something costly to me for a moment in Your presence, for the reassurance that You are still there, and that I can draw near to You in faith, to mend the breach between myself and my Maker.”

Cain, on the other hand, went through his sacrifice and apparently felt nothing. But, at first, he was not unhappy. Then Abel came along, made his offering, and experienced something far greater. And Abel’s joy—not his sacrifice—is what drove Cain mad. This is mimetic rivalry—the envy that activates judgment, which activates hatred, which often activates destruction.


Cain’s Unchecked Envy



The Bible then records a revealing dialogue between God and Cain. Interestingly, Cain does not respond in the early parts of the conversation. He is silent. Unhappy.

Like Esau, King Saul, Ahab, and the rich young ruler, Cain is unwilling to pay the price to receive the reward his brother enjoys. But instead of confronting his own apathy, laziness, and victimhood, he chooses instead to destroy the reminder of all that he has lost—all that he could have had.

Why?

Because Abel’s joy pointed the finger at him. Abel had no quarrel with Cain, no rivalry to settle, no message to send. He simply offered his best to God and rejoiced in His favor. But Cain’s eyes were not on God—they were on Abel. And so, Abel’s joy became Cain’s torment, not because Abel flaunted it, but because Cain resented what he lacked yet refused to pursue.

If everyone making sacrifices had received Cain’s result, Cain would never have been unhappy. But the fact that someone else received a shockingly different outcome activated envy, anger, and, eventually, murder.


Why Did Cain Pout?



If Cain truly wanted the reward of God’s presence and believed Abel had done something different—something greater and more costly—then all he had to do was get up and make the greater sacrifice.

But that’s not how the human mind works. That’s not how we rationalize our failures. No, the only reason we pout is when we believe we are prisoners to outcomes beyond our control.

It’s like a man who makes his own lunch and then shows up on the job site, complaining that he always gets tuna fish sandwiches. He looks foolish. But if someone else makes his lunch—if his outcome is outside of his control—then he can do nothing but complain.

Pouting is what we do when we believe we have no agency.

And so the very fact of Cain’s depression proves that in his mind, God was unfair. In Cain’s mind, he had offered every bit the sacrifice his brother had. But God—so he thought—was capricious. Partial. Political. Unjust.


God’s Correction of Cain’s Equation



This is where God steps in to correct Cain’s equation. God tells Cain his happiness is up to him.

“Why are you angry, and why is your face downcast? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it” (Gen. 4:6-7).

In other words: “Why are you complaining about your tuna fish sandwich when you made it yourself?”

That’s the point—Cain created this outcome, and, therefore, he could change it. That is why God asks “Why?” and then points directly to Cain and what he can do to change his situation. But Cain viewed himself as a victim. Instead of changing himself, he would rather sacrifice his own brother—for the first time spilling the blood of a human made in the image of God—than admit the insufficiency of his own sacrifice.

And isn’t it ironic? When we are unwilling to pay the full price, we often end up paying ten times more just to prove we weren’t wrong—that it was someone else’s fault—that we were the victims.


Cain’s Final Descent



Cain was unwilling to do what was right. He went out to talk to his brother. But Abel, apparently, spoke the same truth that God had spoken. And Cain didn’t pout at Abel—he picked up a rock and killed him. Then God speaks to Cain again.

“What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground” (Gen. 4:10).

And Cain immediately shirks responsibility.

“Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen. 4:9).

Then he doubles down on his claim to victimhood.

“My punishment is greater than I can bear” (Gen. 4:13).

And with that, he builds a city. A fortress where he can hide from the judgment of God—a judgment against bitterness, blame, victimhood, anger, and murder. Inside its walls, he imagines himself as God—controlling, determining, guiding. He perpetuates the illusion that he doesn’t need the favor—the grace—that Abel found.


The Lost Ethic of Sacrifice in a Culture of Self



Returning to Dr. Peterson’s challenge—how can the West rediscover an ethic of sacrifice in its current condition? The examples of sacrifice we admire today largely belong to an earlier age—an age before modern entertainment, before postmodern narcissism had been normalized, before the machinery of instant gratification had reached its current maturity.

Our ancestors were not plagued by the dollhouse problems of today—worrying over Facebook likes, who unfriended them, or what gender they thought they were. Generally speaking, the hardship of a life still tethered to basic survival—growing one’s own food, protecting one’s family from disease, enduring war and violent upheaval—naturally shrunk life down to its essentials. There was little room for the melodramas of a hedonistic culture. Thus, the sacrificial life was not just evident, it was necessary—perhaps even inevitable—in a world untouched by the unmatched luxuries, individualism, and distractions of modernity. Back then, meaning was defined not by identity, lifestyle, personal branding, or self-expression but by how one loved God and neighbor—how one gave himself in heroic sacrifice and service.

But strip away the internet, social media, mass entertainment, and all the bellows of narcissism inflating the egos of multitudes, and the re-adoption of a sacrificial ethic might seem achievable again. Yet, we do not live in such a world. We live in an age of mass deception—where “the love of many has grown cold” (Matt. 24:12). Ours is but one voice in a storm, calling men to give their lives, take up their crosses, surrender everything to Jesus and His purpose. But the entire world is preaching a counter-gospel—that life’s very meaning is about their pleasure, their choices, their identity. The roar of self-worship rings in their ears. It flashes across their screens. It’s written on billboards, embedded in school curricula, and proclaimed from every platform. It declares that man is the center of all being—and each individual is the center of their own universe.


The Impossible Task: Restoring Sacrifice in a Hedonistic Age



In such an environment, recapturing an ethic of sacrifice is not just unlikely—it is impossible. And unless the church compromises itself—adapting its theology to conform to the radical individualism of the age—it will increasingly be deemed irrelevant. This compromise is already well underway. It takes the form of cheap grace—a gospel that tells people that Jesus died merely to secure their eternal safety, not to free, empower, or transform their lives here and now.

Yet at the core of human existence lies a fallen nature—one that does not choose according to its own best interests. It is inclined toward deception, rebellious toward guidance, and blind even in the presence of light. And when the human ego demands self above all else, while every voice in the culture—from social media to movies, books, songs, and lectures—reinforces the same self-first ideology, what could possibly compel a person to resist that pressure?


Two Paths: Coercion or Repentance



There are only two options. The first is coercion. Some Christians, having lost all faith in the power of grace through the Holy Spirit, believe that morality must be institutionalized—that law should govern television content, phone usage, social media, dress codes, church attendance. But even if such measures were feasible, they could only slow the onslaught, never stop it. The genie is out of the bottle. And the forced morality of external restrictions would only fan the flames of rebellion, debauchery, and violence—just as in the French Revolution.

Yet, as much as we oppose coercion, we must acknowledge that modern liberty, left unchecked, will collapse into the worst form of licentiousness unless voluntary associations—families, churches, communities—actively instill internal restraint. The less people govern themselves through conscience, discipline, and shared moral commitments, the more State intervention becomes inevitable. In a society where the self is enthroned above all else, the collapse of virtue does not lead to greater freedom but to a tyranny imposed in the name of restoring order.

We want as much freedom as possible. We want as little State interference as possible. But this only works if the mechanisms of self-restraint within voluntary associations actually function. Where moral order is upheld from within, external restrictions remain unnecessary. But where restraint is abandoned—where conscience is dulled, where communities fail to hold each other accountable—the vacuum will be filled, not by self-correction, but by authoritarian force. This is why those who cry loudest for unbridled liberty often end up under the heaviest chains. True liberty does not mean the absence of restraint but the presence of self-governance.

The only alternative to Old Testament-style State-enforced “morality”?

Repentance.

The church must once again become the agent of repentance—insisting upon it before and above all other concerns. Then the church itself must become the environment where an entire culture enters into a covenant of repentance—a mutual agreement to recognize the fallen nature, the ego at war with all higher ideals and transcendent purpose, and to keep it dead. It is far too late to sprinkle salt on the gangrene of this culture and hope to reverse rot into health. But we can choose personal repentance.

We can dethrone the ego and hold to that commitment within a community of repentance—a cluster of believers walking together in mutual accountability, relying on the grace and joy of the Spirit. If we do, we will see life reenter what has become the corpse of Christianity. “These bones can live” (Ezek. 37:5).


A Warning to Those Who Choose This Path



But let there be no illusions. There will never be a top-down reversal of Western decadence. The era of any national return to righteousness is over. There is, however, hope—but only for those who will open their eyes and voluntarily submit. Not to State-imposed morality, but to the loving, accountable, knowable support of a community in covenant to walk out repentance.

Yet if you choose to be part of such a community, beware. The world will tell you that what you are doing is unnecessary, extreme, too much. The entire culture will pull on your ego, whispering, calling, and seducing: “Live for yourself. Put yourself first. Don’t miss out. Take and eat.”

And yet Jesus has already spoken: “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will find it” (Mark 8:34-35).

This message is unpopular—more so today than at any time in history. And when some decide to throw down their cross and walk away from the voluntary, covenantal commitment of repentance, they will despise every mile they once walked bearing it. They will point fingers, resent, and blame those who once inspired them to take it up. They will cling to “a form of godliness while denying its power” (2 Tim. 3:5)—a religion that lets them have their cake and eat it, too.

And then, the promise Jesus made will be fulfilled: “You will be hated by all for My name’s sake” (Matt. 10:22).


A Choice That Can Only Be Sustained in Covenant Community



The ethic of sacrifice cannot be restored through political movements, legal enforcement, or mass conversions. It will only be found in New Testament-style covenant fellowships—enclaves of total commitment. In such communities, people will either fully give themselves to a life of sacrifice, obedience, and repentance—or they will reject it, and with it, the costs of discipleship.

There are no perfect people, but there is a perfect God, and He has given us a sure way to walk together with Him and with one another—it is the church. You can have your independence, your fleeting pleasures of sin, your boasting in pride, the vanity upon vanity that drifts away like dust in the wind. As for me, I will thank God for a congregation that keeps over 90% of its young people, seeing them marry in faith, build strong families, and establish generations of godliness. I will thank Him for a church that, in over 50 years, has seen only one out-of-wedlock pregnancy, whose young people know nothing of drug or alcohol abuse, where marriages have never dissolved among those who remain in the faith, where the elderly have never once been abandoned to nursing homes but have always been cared for, served, and surrounded—sometimes for months, sometimes for years—by their brothers, sisters, children, and grandchildren, even when they had no natural kin.

I thank God for a church that provides real education, real futures, and real purpose, where young people graduate with Capstone projects that stand as testaments to diligence and skill, where there is no unemployment, no purposeless wandering—because everyone, young and old, has a place and a role. I thank God for a youth culture that honors its elders, serves, sings, and ministers to the sick and dying—both here and abroad. A place where we’ve never battled, or even encountered, the confusion of gender dysphoria.

No, we are not perfect. We have a long way to go, and we have made it this far only by grace, leaning on the Lord. But I would never trade it for anything. All the glittering promises of the world, all its hollow hedonism, hold no value in my heart.


The Test of Time



Go to the heart of the matter—love—and you will find relationships that have endured over fifty years, stronger than when they began. Go to the end of the matter—sit with a dying saint in their final hours, held by the hands of those who have walked with them in faith for a lifetime, and tell me you would want to finish your race any other way.

We must remain vigilant, choosing—consciously, deliberately—to embrace an authority of truth, love, and accountability that cannot be imposed, but without which, we cannot resist the slow slide into dissipation and hedonism. We must embrace the cross—and in it, find life.


The Cross and the Promise



Abel still reaps the joy of his sacrifice, while Cain pouts elsewhere. Those who have given their lives in faith have found them overflowing—filled with the peace and abundance that only surrender and commitment can bring. But those who have cast aside their cross, who once walked this road but turned back, now stand outside, looking in—resenting every mile they once traveled, despising those who remind them of the promise. Jesus declared, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62).

One thing is certain: no one who truly takes up their cross and perseveres will ever regret it. The cost is real, but the reward is greater still, for Jesus also promised, “There is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for My sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

For “our light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:17).
 
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